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Bulls testicles would be a "piece de resistance" on any Halloween dinner table, as far as I'm concerned. The research I did on this "delicacy" found that they taste like chicken or veal, so I found a recipe to fool people into thinking they are eating the real, umm... nads. I think they would me more convincing if one were to use the meatball mixture and stuff it into sausage casings, but it's up to you if you want to get fancy.***

Meatballs
4 tablespoons (1/2 stick) butter
1 small onion, chopped
2 slices day-old rye bread, crusts trimmed, torn into pieces
(about 1 1/2 cups)
2/3 cup beef stock or canned beef broth
1 egg
1/4 teaspoon ground allspice
1/4 teaspoon ground white pepper
1/2 pound ground beef
1/2 pound ground veal

Sauce
2 tablespoons all purpose flour
1 1/3 cups beef stock or canned beef broth
2 tablespoons whipping cream
Ground allspice

For meatballs:
Melt 2 tablespoons butter in heavy medium skillet over medium heat. Add onion and sauté until translucent, about 5 minutes. Cool slightly. Combine bread and stock in large bowl. Mix in onion mixture, egg, allspice and pepper. Add ground beef and veal and blend well. (Can be prepared 3 hours ahead. Cover and chill.)

Shape meat into 1 1/4-inch balls. Melt remaining 2 tablespoons butter in heavy large skillet over medium heat. Add meatballs and sauté until cooked through and brown, turning occasionally, about 20 minutes. Using slotted spoon, transfer meatballs to platter and keep warm. Reserve drippings in skillet.

For sauce:
Add flour to drippings in skillet and stir over medium heat until brown, about 4 minutes. Gradually whisk in stock and cream. Simmer until sauce is thick and smooth, stirring frequently, about 5 minutes. Season to taste with allspice, salt and pepper. Pour sauce over meatballs and serve.

Makes about 30.

2 pounds bull testicles (lamb/sheep, calf or turkey testicles can also be used)
1 cup flour
1/4 cup cornmeal
1 cup red wine
salt, pepper, garlic powder to taste
Louisiana Hot Sauce
hog lard (cooking oil can be substituted)

Split the tough skin-like muscle that surrounds each "oyster." (use a sharp knife) You can also remove the skin easily if the "oysters" are frozen and then peeled while thawing. Set into a pan with enough salt water to cover them for one hour to remove some of the blood and drain.
Transfer to large pot. Add enough water to float "oysters" and a generous tablespoon of vinegar. Parboil, drain and rinse. Let cool and slice each "oyster" into 1/4 inch thick ovals. Sprinkle salt and pepper on both sides of sliced "oyster" to taste.

Mix flour, cornmeal and some garlic powder to taste in a bowl. Roll each slice into this dry mixture. Dip into milk. Dip into dry mixture. Dip into wine quickly (repeat the procedure for a thicker crust).
Place into hot cooking oil. Add Louisiana Hot Sauce to cooking oil (it'll sizzle some, so be careful!). Cook until golden brown or tender, and remove with a strainer (the longer they cook, the tougher they get).

thanks to this guy

***Actually, I finally tried the infamous oysters at the Olean Missouri 'Testicle Festival' last June. Surprisingly enough, they were really good. I tried turkey, pork and beef, and I have to say the turkey nads were exceptional - the pork ones (at least, I think they were probably the pork ones - you sort of had to guess by size) were a little gamey and not as delicate. The cow ones were middle of the road but not at all bad tasting or textured. These oysters were deep fried, and after eating them I realize what they taste almost exactly like - chicken gizzards that are well prepared. So here you go - my better educated, updated mock oyster recipe:

1 stick butter
1/2 cup flour
2 lbs rinsed, thawed chicken hearts and gizzards
1 large onion, minced
4 cloves garlic, minced
2 carrots, diced
2 stalks celery, diced
4 bay leaves
fresh ground black pepper and salt to taste
1 tbsp MSG (optional - aka meat tenderizer - will cut down on cooking time a little; if you use it, reduce your salt)
cayenne powder, 1 tsp or to taste
1 tablespoon dried rosemary
1 tablespoon dried thyme
1 cup white wine - Riesling or your favorite ( and if you wouldn't drink it, don't cook with it either!)
2 cups canned chicken stock

flour for dusting
deep fat fryer with oil of your choice at 365 degrees (use a candy thermometer if you want - otherwise test it by throwing a chunk of white bread into the oil; if it turns brown in 30 seconds or so, it should be hot enough)

In a very large skillet or Dutch oven, melt the butter over medium heat. Add the flour and make a roux (a paste), allowing it to brown while you continually stir for several minutes - until it is a dark golden brown and smells "nutty". Add the onions and celery, allow them to soften. Add the garlic and carrots, and cook for a few seconds before adding the wine and chicken stock. Add the bay leaves, salt, pepper and spices. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat and cover. Simmer for 2 hours, stirring occasionally and adding more chicken stock if needed.
(the gizzards are done when you can cut one in half with a fork - in other words, when they ar no longer chewy AT ALL)

Cool the gizzards, reserving the gravy and vegetables on the side. If it isn't thick enough, you can make a little more roux and add it - it should tighten up the sauce a bit.

Dust the cooled gizzards with the flour (you can season the flour however you like), and deep fry until golden brown (2-3 minutes)

Drain off oil on paper towels or newspaper. Season again if you wish. Serve with reserved hot gravy.