Necropants (nábrók)


The Museum of Icelandic Sorcery and Witchcraft is home to the most metal pair of pants ever to be spawned from the land of the ice and snow. Back in the good ol' Dark Ages, Icelanders who practiced the dark craft would get permission from their dying friend or family member to flay the flesh from their lower body after they've started their journey to visit Odin in Valhalla (y'know... died). After careful hours of dissecting away your best friend's penis, scrotum, buttocks, legs and all ten toes, you might get something that looks like this:


But before stepping into your buddy's old leg and ass skin, make sure you pop a coin (that must be stolen from an old widow woman) and a little "stave" or piece of paper with this symbol (nábrókarstafur) in the now vacant scrotum: This will ensure that the used up old ball-sack will forevermore be an enchanted endless-supply-of-coin-sack. When you step in, be prepared to stick to the insides, because according to the museum, you will indeed get all sweaty and adhere to the necropants. Here's hoping he was fatter than you, so you don't have to do the "lay on the bed and suck it all in". But then, sticky sweaty fleischslacks shouldn't be a problem, because why would you ever want to remove them? They are an endless supply of wealth! As long as you leave the original coin and rune in place, and always make someone else step into the pants immediately after you've removed them to, say, go number 2, they will forever hold their enchantment. They make the perfect deathbed gift to your favorite kid, and will keep on giving for generations.


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